Love is a beautiful thing, fam. It’s that spark that makes your heart race, your palms sweat, and your dreams feel like they’re finally within reach. But let’s keep it 100—love ain’t enough to sustain a marriage.
You can be head-over-heels, but if you and your partner aren’t aligned on the real stuff—money, credit, parenting, trauma, faith, sex, goals, politics, family dynamics —you’re setting yourselves up for a bumpy ride.
Too many couples spend time planning a wedding day instead of planning a life together. Love is the spark, but alignment is what keeps the fire lit. So before you walk down that aisle, pop the question, or say “yes,” here’s what you need to do.
Talk Money Before You Talk Marriage
Money problems are one of the leading causes of divorce—not because couples don’t love each other, but because they were never aligned on how money should be earned, spent, saved, or invested.
Before saying “I do,” sit down and get financially naked with each other. Talk about:
What each of you earns.
All debts—student loans, credit cards, medical bills, personal loans.
Credit scores and credit history.
Budgeting styles and spending habits.
How bills, savings, and investments will be handled.
One person can’t be on “save mode” while the other’s on “swipe mode.” That’s not love—that’s chaos.
Love won’t fix a bad credit score or reckless spending. Discipline will. If your partner’s money moves are messy, you’re not just marrying them—you’re marrying their debt, their financial habits, and their baggage.
Choose someone who wants to build with you, not break you down financially.
Credit, Debt & Financial Responsibility
Love is powerful, but it doesn’t fix bad credit. Missed payments, unpaid collections, or impulse spending can kill dreams of buying a home or building wealth.
This ain’t about judging—it’s about transparency and strategy. If one of y’all has credit issues, put a plan in place to fix it before combining lives. Protecting your credit is protecting your future.
Real talk: Love won’t fix broke habits. Discipline will.
Family, Friends & In-Laws
Family dynamics can make or break a relationship. You love your partner— but if their mama’s too involved, their best friend is the third wheel, or family drama runs deep, it can shake your foundation.
Talk about how family and friends fit into your marriage:
How much influence they’ll have.
How to set boundaries.
How to handle money requests and uninvited visits.
If you tolerate messy family drama during dating, you’ll inherit it in marriage.
Set the standard you deserve from day one.
Trauma, Faith & Core Values
Your past shapes your future. Trauma, mental health struggles, family history, and faith all play a role in how you show up in a relationship.
Before you commit:
Talk about family health and mental health history.
Discuss past traumas and triggers.
Share your faith or spiritual beliefs.
This isn’t about perfection—it’s about honesty. When you marry someone, you’re not just marrying the person in front of you—you’re marrying their story, too. A couple grounded in shared or respected values can weather storms together.
Parenting & Family Expectations
Kids ain’t just cute—they’re a commitment. And parenting differences can turn a dream home into a war zone real quick.
Discuss:
Whether or not you want kids.
Parenting and discipline styles.
Faith and values in raising children.
Boundaries with extended family.
Too many couples assume they’ll “figure it out later.” Later often turns into resentment. Alignment in parenting is crucial because raising children requires unity, not confusion.
Sex, Intimacy & Expectations
Let’s keep it real—sex matters. Intimacy isn’t just physical; it’s mental, emotional, and spiritual.
Talk openly about:
Sexual expectations and comfort zones.
How you keep the spark alive over time.
How you communicate about needs and boundaries.
Silence breeds resentment. If you can’t talk openly about intimacy before marriage, it won’t magically get easier afterward. Love is the foundation, but communication is the structure.
Goals, Dreams & Bucket Lists
Opposites attract… but similarities CLICK.
You don’t have to be twins, but shared vision and goals make the journey smoother. Talk about:
Career goals and ambition.
Where you want to live.
Whether you want to travel, build businesses, or invest.
Retirement dreams and legacy plans.
Most divorce papers say “irreconcilable differences.” That’s legal speak for “we weren’t on the same page.” Alignment won’t guarantee perfection, but it will give your marriage a solid foundation.
Politics, Boundaries & the Outside World
Politics, religion, and personal values shape how people see the world. You don’t have to agree on everything, but you need respect and boundaries.
Talk about how you’ll handle disagreements, outside influences, social circles, and family opinions. Protect your union from outside noise.
Love is the spark. Alignment is the fuel. Discipline is the flame.
Don’t Settle for Less
Relationships are give and take—but they should never be tolerated and break. If you tolerate it in dating, you’ll inherit it in marriage.
Set your standard. Protect your peace. Choose someone who wants to build with you, not break you down—financially, emotionally, or spiritually.
Whatever Else Comes to Mind
Don’t skip the “miscellaneous” conversations. If it’s on your heart, put it on the table—household roles, chores, lifestyle preferences, communication styles, even quirks. The more you talk now, the fewer surprises later.
Final Word: Love Ain’t Enough
I’ve seen too many couples walk down the aisle starry-eyed, only to be blindsided by real life. Marriage isn’t a fairy tale. It’s a partnership, a team, and a legacy in the making.
Love makes it sweet. Alignment makes it strong. Discipline makes it last.
Before you say “I do,” talk real.
Money. Credit. Parenting. Trauma. Faith. Sex. Goals. Politics. Family. Boundaries.
Put it all on the table. Build your future on truth, not fantasy.
(Damon Carr, Money Coach & Tax Pro can be reached at 412-216-1013 or visit his website at www.damonmoneycoach.com)
Helping you flip your finances from stressed to blessed—one smart decision at a time.
