How to Keep the Love Going Despite Different Libidos   

Popular YouTube couple the Ellises, Khadeen, and Devale, authors of the “We Over Me” book, are coming to Detroit as part of their national tour.  


How do you navigate libidos that don’t match?  

Do you quit, go outside or do something else? Also, what to do if you and your partner can’t communicate.  

A popular YouTube couple the Ellises, Khadeen and Devale, authors of the “We Over Me” book, are coming to Detroit as part of their national tour and will be at the Royal Oak Theater at 7:00 p.m. on Friday, March 3, to talk about that and more. The tour, “Dead Ass Podcast,” has tickets ranging from are $45 to $127.  

The Ellises exposed the truths behind a marriage lasting more than 20 years in their first book. They have persevered through tragic loss, profession changes, bankruptcy, infidelity, failed business ventures, Khadeen’s near-death experience, being parents to four boys, and an enormous amount of love, respect and affection for one another during that time. After much trial and error, they discovered one startlingly important truth: If you want a happy relationship and a rewarding life, pay attention to your partner’s needs rather than your own. In addition to strengthening your relationship, choosing service to your partner above selfishness can also help you accomplish your own goals and leave a lasting legacy with your partner.  

“We Over Me” is an insightful book about what makes a relationship function. For the Ellises, marriage is a service-based business, where the emphasis is on helping one another and looking for ways to improve each other’s lives.  

During a Michigan Chronicle interview, the Ellises talked about their love and romance, raising four Black boys and keeping the spice in their life.  

“Khadeen and I have been together since we were 18,” Devale Ellis, in his late 30s, said. “So, we went through a ton of changes. We went from being horny kids who were just experiencing our sex lives together for the first time as college freshmen to being married with four kids. So, we pretty much ran in all the different types of ways your libido can change. And one thing that I’ll say that I’ve learned the most during this time is if you want to be in a relationship you have to have empathy for your partner.… You have to have empathy for your partner and also be able to embrace and understand when your partner’s libido changes.”   

Actor Eva Marcille said that Khadeen and Devale Ellis are a “true example” of what marriage is and how the foundation is love.  

“From the highs to lows, ups and downs, and everything in between,” Marcille said. “’We Over Me’ unpacks the core values of defining your own marriage while keeping the commitment in the forefront. This book is a must-have and is sure to help tons of people and their marriages.”  

Tommy and Codie Elaine Oliver, founders of Black Love, Inc., agreed, and said that Ellis’ story shows that while marriage can be a bumpy ride, it can also be “unbelievably beautiful.”   

“If you learn how to argue constructively, put we over me and remember to have a little fun along the way….This book will have you laughing and crying, and it’s a must-read for couples and singles who want the best out of their relationship [or who just want to be entertained,]” Oliver said.  

Khadeen said that they also attended the same elementary school for a couple of years.   

“We went to rival high schools,” she said. “We actually lived like seven blocks away from each other almost our entire lives and didn’t even know it until we finally linked up at a scholarship banquet when he was graduating from high school.”  

In their second year of college, they started dating.  

Khadeen added that throughout their relationship journey, there have been ups and downs and because of their busy lives, which include traveling around the country, going on tours and acting in Hollywood – all while raising four boys – they have learned to reconnect where it matters most.  

“What we’ve realized recently is that we need to take moments where he and I can just get together and do the things that we always have loved to do, but don’t get a chance to do it,” Khadeen said. “So, that means taking it back to what did that look like when we were in college and doing the simple things that we enjoyed doing before we had, you know, the weight of life and having to be parents and you know, our careers underway.”  

Devale added that there is an intention behind their actions as a couple.  

“We also are very deliberate about telling each other what we need and what we require,” he said, adding that their relationship is service-based and they outdo each other with how they support one another’s needs. “Tell them exactly what you need … and then reciprocate by giving them exactly what they need, what they require.”   

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