Man Arrested for Rubbing Genitals on Patron's Pizza

A young man named Austin Symonds who, coincidentally, lives in suburban Austin, Texas, became so enraged that a patron called in a pizza order just moments before closing that he decided to rub his naked testicles over the pizza.
He would have gotten away with it except for the fact the patron watched him do it.
Symonds, 18, who worked at Papa Murphy’s Pizza in Georgetown, a city 25 miles north of Austin, Texas, was spotted by Brent Bradley who told cops that when he arrived to pick up his order, he spotted Symonds “rubbing his testicles on the pizza he had ordered,” according to the police report from Williamson County.
When Bradley confronted the perpetrator who had defiled a large stuffed pie with Canadian bacon, pineapple, and extra cheese, Symonds immediately owned up to it.
“Man, I am really sorry, that was stupid,” Symonds said, according to the complaint.
Bradley inquired about Symonds’ age. After the teenager answered that he was 18, Bradley said, “So you are old enough to know better than to put your balls on someone’s pizza.
“Yes,” said Symonds.
Symonds had a call with the manager the following day, which was recorded, and again copped to the violation. Symonds again apologized, saying he “did what he did because the customer had called in the order right before closing time.”
During a police interview, Symonds “admitted to rubbing his testicles on Mr. Bradley’s pizza,” according to Detective Chris Brown.
Symonds admits he “probably” would have given Bradley his order had the patron not seen his scrotum on the pizza.
“That’s the terrible part,” Symonds told cops.
Symonds is charged with tampering a consumer product, a second-degree felony. Brown noted that “substances such as fecal matter can be transferred by sweat to the scrotum and could have transferred to the pizza when Symonds rubbed his scrotum on the pizza.”
Symonds, according to the Houston Chronicle, was freed from custody after posting $10,000 bail.
It goes without saying that he has been terminated from Papa Murphy’s, a pizza chain with more than 1300 outlets.

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