My husband and I are different. But opposites attract, right? When I’m weak, he’s strong. When he lacks, I abound. In theory, this complementary situation should work. In practice, it’s HARD WORK! Let me explain. My husband is the spiritual head of our household. He speaks blessings over our family and wages spiritual warfare on our behalf in prayer. When he hears a Word from the Lord, he runs with it in obedience. He is a man of FAITH and ACTION! And I am a woman of FAITH…with A PLAN and then ACTION! I petition God for wisdom and knowledge regularly so the steps of any plan can be ordered in His Word.
Because I have this extra step of planning, it can be viewed as a lack of faith and an impediment to action. I don’t intend to be a stumbling block to any instructions or ideas my husband receives from the Lord. But when he gets an idea, I want to know more! My mind works very quickly with the questions…how?….why?….when?….what? As I ask these questions, I’m mentally formulating a plan. To my husband, it sounds like every question is poking holes in an attempt to burst his bubble and abort the idea. I have the same questions for God about the ideas He’s given my husband to “MOVE” or to “GO” or to “QUIT.” Basically, what is the PLAN?
Proverbs 21:5 – The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty, but those of everyone who is hasty, surely to poverty.
I, too, have a relationship with God. He speaks to me during my prayer time and as I study His Word. When God delivers a life-altering directive, I like to meditate on it and seek wisdom for a plan first. With obedience in mind, I pose questions to God because I don’t want to mess up in my execution of His Word. The extra step of planning is for the purpose of getting the ACTION right. It’s hard work to be “one flesh” when I feel the need to plan and my husband feels the need to act! Our oneness begins to strain in two different directions. He resents me for slowing things down. I’m upset with him for moving too fast.
One summer morning in 2015, my husband received a Word from the Lord to “QUIT” his job. I was not in favor of it. There wasn’t another job or another stream of income to replace what he would walk away from. Although we prayed together in that moment, no final plans were discussed around this life-changing decision. By the end of the same day, he took action to end his employment without my knowledge. For me, resentment set in, anger arose, trust was breached.
God, in His infinite wisdom, knew our marriage would go through this test. In this test, we realized that we lost sight of the value that the other person brings to our marriage. My husband challenges me to grow and step out on FAITH to please God. I challenge him to diligently SEEK the wisdom of God to receive how and when to make that step.
Hebrews 11:6 – But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Through it all, love, forgiveness, and repentant hearts have prevailed. Over the past two years since my husband’s last leap of faith, he has let me know that he gets it now. He no longer resents my need to have a plan of action. His resentment has transformed to commitment–commitment to ensure we seek God’s wisdom for a plan and take action in agreement with one another.
While pushing into new territory is a necessary part of our faith walk, there is nothing wrong with going back to God to seek more detail beyond the initial “GO.” Marriage needs what each spouse has to offer to fulfill God’s purpose for the union. Our contributions are different, but both are essential.
Kingdom Kees of Marriage:
- Be a student of your spouse (1 Peter 3:7)
- Appreciate what your spouse brings to the table (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)
- Pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17)
- Trust God (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Reggie and Quiana Kee have known each other for over 20 years and were married in 2004. They were licensed to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ in 2015 at the Kingdom Advancement Center in Elgin, IL, where they currently reside. They have two children and are co-founders of Ink Well Spoken and Manu Forti Ministries, which serve as the marketplace and faith-based programs for their motivational speaking initiatives.