Dear Alma,
I am 35 and my sweet lady is 57. I love her and she loves me. Although we don’t go out much, we show our affection to each other in many ways. She and I both are homebodies. We live in different states, so our time together is special. She has a beautiful, spacious home. We have dinner, dance and watch movies. I’m a great cook, and I fix things around the house. We’re both avid readers and it’s a real nice relationship. Here’s the problem. We were at the bank and she was taking care of some business. At first I was in the car but noticed she forgot something, so I took it to her. As I was walking away, I overheard her tell the teller that I was like a son to her. When I asked her about it, she said she lives in a small town and she really didn’t want the woman in her business. She said she really didn’t mean anything by it and asked me to drop it. I can’t get it off my mind. How do I confront her about this again?
Name withheld
Dang! That was wrong…and kinda creepy. Maybe she didn’t mean it. Ok – aaah, maybe she did. That’s worse than calling your second husband by your first husband’s name. Ok, that was me, now back to you, LOL. She owes you an apology and a decent conversation at the very least. I’m sure hearing her describe you that way was shocking and downright disrespectful. I know you’ve been bruised, and I can understand. You’re right; she needs to clarify. Now, let’s cross this bridge for a minute and see what’s on the other side.
Depending on where you live, older men with younger women are still more acceptable than older women with younger men. Older women are perceived to be improper or even desperate when taking on a younger suitor. Some view a few years as ok, but over 10 is pushing it. (I don’t think Tina Turner would agree with this part of our conversation, since she just married her Boo, 16 years her junior.) It sounds to me like you guys have a great companionship going on. Anything beyond that is questionable.
Your personalities are similar, and if you believe that men and women hit their physical peaks at different times, age wise you two are perfectly suited for one another. Like any relationship, it works as long as the two of you work at it. In my opinion, people are allowed to have various types of relationships. Some are meant to last forever and some are meant to last for right now. Which one are you involved in? If you’re enjoying this journey, by all means, stick with it. Tell her how you feel. Tell her how uncomfortable you were to hear her describe you that way, and after your conversation, if she’s still embarrassed, that’s your cue to keep it moving. Unfortunately, unlike Stella, she’s just not ready, publicly, to get her groove back.
Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to: alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.
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